Embracing the Amibguity

Akmal agrees the new SLR is the hottest thing since mango season.

Am I a commodity or a multi-talented instrument of change? Every PCV and their ibu seem to have doubts at some point. Because even though site usually leans toward the rad, there are definitely days where I feel more like one of these than the Toyota Tundra of foreign aid, justifiably or not.

Exhibit A (Two weeks ago, some teachers approached me at school.)

“Mr. Danil, we go to hospital now to visit [teacher x’s] husband. Do you want to follow?”
“Sure, where’s the hospital?”
“Sragen.”
“That’s over an hour away.”
“Yes.”
“And then we come back?”
“Insya Alloh.”
“… Okay. I’ll prepare my bag.”
“Good. You will bring good spirit to [teacher x’s] husband.”
“Yeah, I hope so.”

--- Leaving Sragen hospital 2 hours later ---
“Do we go back to school now?”
“Not yet. We first visit [teacher y’s] mother in-law in Solo hospital.”
“I didn't know. That's very far.”
“Yes, we have car.”
“Oh.”

--- Leaving Solo hospital 2 hours later ---
“Great, back to school now, right?”
“No, no yet.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Now we must pray.”
“And after that?”
“Then we eat lunch.”

--- After Lunch 1.5 hours later ---
“I’m stuffed… can’t wait to sleep in the car.”
“We no drive yet.”
“What? Why?”
“Now we go to school at university.”
“. . . Until when?”
“Maybe six. But please, no worry. There is good chair for you outside.”

--- Watching teachers leave class at sunset 3 hours later ---
“Great. I still need to plan three lessons tomorrow for classes—“
“We pray again, now.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Then we eat dinner.”
“…”

--- after dinner 1 hour later ---
“If I’d known earlier that—“
“Mr. Jak is not here.”
“What? Where?”
“I do not know.”
“Can we call him?”
“Yes.”
[a moment later]
“He doesn’t answer. We wait here.”
“And then?
“Then, Insya Alloh, we go home.”


Every PCV here can identify. At one time or another, we’ve all been misinformed. We’ve all felt duped, ditched, and neglected. Frustrating stuff happens. On the day above, I left school with teachers around ten AM on a supposedly quick hospital visit. Call it a hunch, but I bet my counterparts knew we were in for an eleven hour trip from the beginning too. And in light of that, I think it’s easy for me to focus on assigning blame when it's clearly due. After all I think my PC success here depends on making genuine, Indonesian friendships. Honestly, sI haven’t been this eager to extend BFF status since I wanted a turn on the swings in first grade, so I’m definitely committed to sorting the promising friends from the less so.

The sifting is tough, though, because I often have a hard time telling cultural misunderstanding from disrespect. See Exhibit B: I offered to buy a friend dinner; then, he self-invited two more friends. I felt like a JaTim ATM… the three totally cleared more than 100,000 Rp from my wallet. But at the same time, I couldn’t be sure if i was wronged or not. Javanese friends are always picking up tabs for one another without complaint. And maybe my co-teachers were just giving me the chance to be one of the guys (albeit at a steep price).

I think the significance here is highlighting the strange cultural limbo that Indo PCVs often find themselves straddling. Because while Java sometimes seems western—smartphones everywhere, spaghetti sauce at my local minimarket, my cousin’s ritual Green Day pump-up session every morning, social life here is still overwhelmingly… well… Asian. And because of that, I think it will always be difficult to consider Indo “home,” to build intelligible relationships amidst all this eastern stoicism, communalism, discipline, and humility. The rules just aren't the same.

Thankfully none of us signed up for a challenge-free ride. It just happens to be an awkward one, riddled not so much with jarring bumps and jolts as terrible signage. And although embracing the ambiguity is far easier said than done, quickly accepting and moving on from frustration will probably be a necessary prerequisite for Indo PCV success.

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And finally the video that made my week. Ladies and gentleman, meet Addison Howard. Friend. Confidant. Triathlete. Accountant. Heart breaker. President of everything. Winner of free cars. Guitar dabbler...