When Downtime with Friends Trumps the Wonders of the Mataram Sultanate

At first glance, Java probably doesn’t seem like a tough PC assignment. Our “basic” needs are definitely well-covered: host families cook delicious meals, (many) schools have free Wi-Fi, electricity is consistently available, and water comes directly from taps. So amidst all the amenities, it’s easy to wonder “where’s all the hardship?” And sometimes I certainly do. It’s hard to appreciate the difficulties of living here while immersed in the culture because PC life makes it easy to lose perspective regarding some of the subtleties of transition. Case in point: this past weekend’s mini-vacation to Yogyakarta was amazing, but not for the reasons anticipated. Initially, I felt pumped to explore the former Mataram Sultanate. However, priorities were quickly reshuffled when I realized how much I missed important American "idiosyncrasies" like emotions, directness, and meaningful conversation.

Indonesian’s aren’t short on friendliness; however, they have a sort of formalized friendliness that makes integrating difficult for volunteers trying to make emotional connections with the culture and their communities. Having spent time in seemingly much poorer places (Peru, Namibia, Botswana, and South Africa), I think there are some unrecognized advantages to serving in societies whose people reciprocate American values regarding openness, expressing passion, and so forth. As an American, I don't feel invested in relationships unless there’s some sort of trust built up between myself and another person. And usually, that trust has to be connected to some sort of acknowledgement of vulnerability: I worry about this…, I felt sad when this happens…,I dream of doing this…, etc. That person and myself have to be comfortable enough with one another to express our anxieties, opening the door for support and trust in confidentiality. There has to be some opportunity for people in meaningful relationships to "give" and "receive" from one another.

But the suppression of vulnerabilities in Javanese society makes it difficult to find that foothold for integration here. My co-teachers and family are friendly, often too friendly, and sometimes I wish that wall could come down for just a minute, so I could learn a little more about what life is like in the shadows, not just the sunlight. I’d like to know where my host-brother’s father is. I’d like to be told if my counterparts are really okay with my teaching methods. I’d like to learn how several local friends are coping with the recent deaths of loved ones.

Unwinding this weekend was like surfacing for a lungful of fresh air. Underwater, senses are dulled, and there’s a vague feeling of pressure whose source can’t quite be placed. But breaching the surface—i.e., interacting with American friends—reawakens sensitivities to the world above, a world I can perceive and navigate comfortably, a world I’m much naturally much better adapted to. This isn’t meant to say that Java is a hostile environment to westerners, or that its culture is less than our own... in many ways, I find people here enjoying a superior quality of life, at least emotionally if not physically. However, it is an affirmation that friends will provide a much more important support than I recognized before this past weekend, and I’ll be more than stoked to take advantage of these “vacation” opportunities in the future.

It’s funny how the next day’s schedule can be full of expectations to (1) wake up early and (2) tourist until dinnertime(ish), but quickly changes when catching-up runs to past 3:30 A.M and visiting stunning Prambanan temple is scratched in favor of chilling by the pool, when exploring notable restaurants is traded for making tacos at home and an ambitious evening on the town is declined to relax on the patio.

So laying out an itinerary for what was seen in Jogja and would be an injustice to the little things I enjoyed most. I've honestly never been happier doing so little, and I'd definitely recommend checking out some of the other blogs for much better photo documentation. Elle's "Fresh To Death" and "From Charlottesville To Indonesia," Nicole's "The Personette," and Tim's "Thought Pouridge" should all be blogrolled to the right.

(1) Old, underground mosque near the Taman Sari.

(2) Feeling the "Om" at Borobudur. The structure's upper tier was closed for cleaning.
(3) All visitors are respectfully asked to wear sarongs when touring Boro. The ones given to us were unusually small.